Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
