I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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