my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
