Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
