so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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