How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
