My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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