it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
