Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
