Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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