Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
