someone get that fucking seahorse.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
