I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
