I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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