I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
