Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
