She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
