she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
