"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
