She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
