I skipped work to stalk him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
