you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
