you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
