Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
