best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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