I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
