I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
