dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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