I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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