Don't make out with my wife yet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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