Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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