its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
