So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
