Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
