My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
