just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
