I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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