so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
