i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
