is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
