i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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