If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, he came in my armpit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
