sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
