we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
