it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
