You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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