Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
