I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
