Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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