He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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