And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
