Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
