It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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