I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will be naked everywhere
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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